Bonnie's Lament.... (Girl, He's Just Not That Into You)

I never meant to hurt you. I still don't think I did. I think I hurt your pride more than anything. I didn't make your situation worse. I only made it honest. I only made it easier for you to leave a bad situation for a better one.

You weren't happy in a lot of ways and I gave you what you needed and wanted to be happy. You said I did in so many ways. I never thought honesty would come crashing down so hard and cripple me from the inside.

I think about you every day and it's killing me. I see your face on every man that I pass. Your smell lingers in my room and on the tip of my nose.

Your taste lingers on every breath I take. Your smile shines through the darkness of night and haunts me. The memory of your laugh haunts me because I want to hear it again.

The memory of your touch depresses me because I don't want anyone else to touch me that way. You touched my body, my heart, my mind and my soul in ways no one else ever has or ever will. I will never allow anyone else to.

The way you looked at me was a way that no man ever had before. Your eyes mesmerized me every time you looked at me.

Your kiss was fiery and passionate and fed my soul, leaving no part of me untouched. The cute gap in between your teeth made me smile and think about what a beautiful imperfection it was, but it was mine to love.

I still love you and miss you. I don't know if I'll ever get over you. You stole my heart. You broke my heart. You stole my happiness and I can't be happy with anyone else.

Please come back to me. You said you weren't a bad guy. But you left things so badly. It kills me that we didn't talk about it.

My heart, in a million pieces, is trying to mend, but I need closure. I need to know what was so wrong about being honest about everything. You didn't want to be in that situation, so why was it so hard to leave it behind? At least I never lied to you or cheated on you or hurt you.

All I ever wanted was to love and care for you in ways no one else ever had and provide for you all the things that you couldn't physically or emotionally provide for yourself. I wanted to shower you with love and hope.

I love you and always will for the rest of my life. Someday you will look back and realize what could have been should have been. We could have been, should have been, and still should and can be.

Forever your Bonnie

What could have been...

 

You're married I under stand that. I realize you have to worry about your kids. I guess it's just for the best, because I was falling for you. I would of gave up the World to taste your lips again. A tattooed cowboy just never has any luck. When you said it wouldn't work I deleted your number to remove my temptation. But I can barely breath. I must be a fool but you really did have me from hello. I know I'll see you around but I'll do the best I can to smile. I don't want you to See that pain in my eyes again. I was correct though. Love and emotions are for fools and suckers. I won't make that mistake again. I pray it all works out for you and him. Tell him to make love to you more so you aren't such a horny witch leaving a path of broken hearts and destruction.

We hugged our brains out Christmas 1975

Hello, I'm wanting to reconnect with a girl I met a couple weeks before Christmas 1975. I was working at a car lot in UC at the time, and you lived in an apartment in Schertz. I was age 19, you were about the same age. You and your dad came to the lot to look for a car for you, and you and I flirted quite a bit. Your dad bought the car for you a few days later for your Christmas present.

The day after Christmas, the girl I was shacking up with went to visit family out of town over the Christmas holidays, so I called you up that afternoon and asked you for a movie date, and I picked you up at your apartment. On the way to the movie house, I said that I only asked you out to the movie so that afterwards we could go to my apartment for hugs, and we could just skip the movie and go straight to the hugs if you wanted, and you agreed!

So we went to my place and hugged our brains out all Friday night, and Saturday morning until I went to work at noon. You stayed at my place and when I returned from work that night we continued hugging all night and all day Sunday and Monday. Since you hadn't originally planned on staying that first night, you didn't have any extra clothes with you so you wore my girlfriend's clothes for those days, and took them home with you to wash them before my girlfriend returned on New Year's Day.

About three weeks later, I had the clap and went to the Randolph clinic to get shots. I called and said you should get checked out because I didn't know if I caught it from you or my girlfriend - you dropped by the car lot later that afternoon and said you got tested and also had the clap and got shots. That was the last time we saw each other.

Well, that should be more than enough info to identify with, and I know the chances are slim that you'll read this, but I sure would like to reconnect with you! I should have kept you and dumped my shack-up, but well, too late now... 

 

-Nicholas

Love Eternal Is Never Forgotten

Dear Readers,

It has been a few years since the last entry and I intend to remedy that. As you know this site began as a social experiment in which others could come and step into the eyes of someone so sick in love that they wrote a heartfelt letter to someone who would  probably never see it. For the same reason that we watch romantic trilogies, knowing they will ultimately end in demise. We endulge in tabloids, reality television, and chase a lover whom is far more toxic than a cure. We crave to be outside of ourselves in hopes that we might take part in the emotional spectrum of someone else. If reading letters causes no end result to our lives and leaves no mark of permanence to ourselves, is it wrong?
The answer, I leave to your discression. However,  do not forget to ...
Read Before Returning to Sender.

-Vanessa The Vivacious