Baby, I miss you so much, talking with you today has done a world of good for me, i saw you look at me, really look at me today. crisis situations make people show their true colors. it brings out the honest truth about someone. but i know that you know that already.
You know what baby there are people that search for what we have for their entire life, never to find their soul mate. I did i found you. ever step of my life has built me to be the man that i am God has a plan. I needed to go through the hard parts of my life so i would know what it was like so i can be the support for those that are truly going to need me when the time comes.
I feel my love for you growing more and more everyday. I am real baby, my love is true to you my love. today when i took you outside and had you face the sunrise and close your eyes i wanted you to feel what i feel. i wanted you to understand that it is the warmth of the sun that i can liken most to the love of God. I wanted you to feel that. it starts as if a kiss on your cheek but then it begins to penetrate deep inside. and that must be close to the feeling you have when you are in my arms. i can never compare to the love that God gives us, but i can promise a true deep pure love that will outlast anyone else. what will happen between now and the day i am able to hold you in my arms again will never be brought up, i will never hold it against you because i know and understand why you have had to make the choice you have. but my love will not fade, it will not slip away into darkness to be forgotten. every time i think about the "curb factor" it makes me smile. do you remember that baby? it seems like so long ago.
what i told you on the phone.... that you are an amazingly beautiful woman inside and out. ..... i meant it NO ONE should ever tell you or make you feel any different. dont let anything make you feel like you need to change for one reason or another. dont let that get in the way of answering the call that we were both given. it will become clear what you need to do. it may seem like it is impossible but it wont be, i am not saying its going to be easy but we will get through it. you are being given answers the what kind of men we both are. you are being shown the way, but you need to open your heart completely to truly see......
i will not waiver, i will not give, i will remain devoted and true to you baby, to us. no matter what. you are the love of my life. you are my best friend. just remember everything happens for a reason, you were having doubts about me, you were questioning me, so this has happened to show you, so i can show you what kind of a man i am. I am your friend, i am your protector, i am your partner, i am your support, your rock, I am YOUR LOVE!!! others may have claimed to be, and may have been able to manipulate their way to make you believe they were something that they really are not but i think you are beginning to see that.
I am the one that will withstand the storm, i am the one that will still be there with you in the end. I believe it, i have faith, i know that you love me and i know that we are meant to be.
LOVE ALWAYS,
"N"
This blog is built by the imperfect bricks we are. The letters you see here are those we've sent, those we regret, and the ones we never meant to send.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
I deserve an explanation, respect me enough for even that
Tonight earlier at 9pm, i thought a simple "hey sexy " text was not going to give me the response it did. Instead of a warm reception i get a quick reply from YOUR WIFE?
Whoever responded, said they were your wife. So naturally i was shocked, and they kept asking who i was and where, how , and when i met you. They then said you were a cheater and have done this before? About this time, i am in pain. I admit, i was in love with you and even though we are where we are; i was willing to commit and hold fast to what i thought was worthwhile and worth every effort; but how could this amazing man, one of the few to ever get so close to me or have similar qualities.. be this man this woman was describing. Help me understand because i just can't believe it. Why couldn't you tell me the truth. You always told me how wonderful i was, don't you think I deserved that? No matter what the truth was?! Truly i'm beside myself and can't comprehend why you would do this.IF IT'S NOT TRUE.. what truly happened? Did she have your phone for some reason?
You can't imagine what i've been through tonight. I can't believe i'm saying this, but i felt like i lost someone close to me again, just as when my best friend past away two months ago. I feel like i'm mourning what felt like my soulmate..
Give it to me straight, i can't say i can take it but i don't have a choice. Truth seems the only option, as well as the only redemptive action of which i can even begin to believe anyone.
If you feel i'm being far too dramatic , i've never been through something like this so the emotions.. lets just say my evening which should have been triumphant with my new position was shot down like a game bird that is too un-evolved to remotely survive a day of life.
beside myself,
Sincerely,
A very dissatisfied and betrayed customer
Whoever responded, said they were your wife. So naturally i was shocked, and they kept asking who i was and where, how , and when i met you. They then said you were a cheater and have done this before? About this time, i am in pain. I admit, i was in love with you and even though we are where we are; i was willing to commit and hold fast to what i thought was worthwhile and worth every effort; but how could this amazing man, one of the few to ever get so close to me or have similar qualities.. be this man this woman was describing. Help me understand because i just can't believe it. Why couldn't you tell me the truth. You always told me how wonderful i was, don't you think I deserved that? No matter what the truth was?! Truly i'm beside myself and can't comprehend why you would do this.IF IT'S NOT TRUE.. what truly happened? Did she have your phone for some reason?
You can't imagine what i've been through tonight. I can't believe i'm saying this, but i felt like i lost someone close to me again, just as when my best friend past away two months ago. I feel like i'm mourning what felt like my soulmate..
Give it to me straight, i can't say i can take it but i don't have a choice. Truth seems the only option, as well as the only redemptive action of which i can even begin to believe anyone.
If you feel i'm being far too dramatic , i've never been through something like this so the emotions.. lets just say my evening which should have been triumphant with my new position was shot down like a game bird that is too un-evolved to remotely survive a day of life.
beside myself,
Sincerely,
A very dissatisfied and betrayed customer
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
After Us...There was only me
Natas,
Hey you...I miss you...I miss you so much. I still wake up sometimes thinking I’m next to you after I wash my sheets and they smell like that laundry detergent that drenched all your clothes. Remember that time you asked me if you could keep me forever. I need me back now. I have no more heart, no more tears, no more emotion left for what will never be. Why could you never answer that simple question...why could you never just let me go. This year with what was and what wasn’t broke so much of me. Everyday I live those moments over, the day you asked me to be yours, the day you said we couldn’t be anymore, every day after that for a year that you called me back to you for something that wasn’t really love. Why could you never answer that simple question. I’d have something left to give someone that really deserved it, if you just let me go. You didn’t mean everything but you always meant a lot and more then most. Your perfection was in your flaws, your beautiful mind, your interpretation of what no one else saw. You were true love to me. I saw what you were and what you hid in your eyes. I know there was hurt and mistrust there, I wanted you to never feel that...I just wanted to make you happy and make you feel loved. I never wanted to stop loving you. But why...why could you never answer that question. The hurt kept coming after we were no longer us. When you wanted, I kept coming back for what I thought was working on it. I can’t be mad for what you did, for how you treated me, for that night with that other girl, for the hurt, for what I did and for what you did. I try, I sit and I try so hard to be mad...to hate you...but I can’t. I gave “me” to you, I was yours for a year and my love was yours for a year. You were there, but as the boy who could always care, but never really love in return. I want to know...I need to know...why you could never answer that simple question. “Can you tell me that you don’t care about me and that we will never be together”...don’t you see that it would let me go. You always looked at me and said you can’t, and you don’t know what could happen in the future. It’s been a month, and I still don’t have “me” back, I never can until you let “me” go.
Remember that time...that summer day...that summer day in the morning when you asked me if you could keep me forever? I’m still here and I’ll still always love you. One day when you know the answer...the answer to that simple question, you know I’ll still be here and you’ll still have my heart to keep or to let go.
Well you...I’m leaving now. I’ll be back in less then a year. I just want you to know that...that I love you and I’ll miss you. And I’ll see you when it’s right.
See you in a bit luvs,
Rachel
Hey you...I miss you...I miss you so much. I still wake up sometimes thinking I’m next to you after I wash my sheets and they smell like that laundry detergent that drenched all your clothes. Remember that time you asked me if you could keep me forever. I need me back now. I have no more heart, no more tears, no more emotion left for what will never be. Why could you never answer that simple question...why could you never just let me go. This year with what was and what wasn’t broke so much of me. Everyday I live those moments over, the day you asked me to be yours, the day you said we couldn’t be anymore, every day after that for a year that you called me back to you for something that wasn’t really love. Why could you never answer that simple question. I’d have something left to give someone that really deserved it, if you just let me go. You didn’t mean everything but you always meant a lot and more then most. Your perfection was in your flaws, your beautiful mind, your interpretation of what no one else saw. You were true love to me. I saw what you were and what you hid in your eyes. I know there was hurt and mistrust there, I wanted you to never feel that...I just wanted to make you happy and make you feel loved. I never wanted to stop loving you. But why...why could you never answer that question. The hurt kept coming after we were no longer us. When you wanted, I kept coming back for what I thought was working on it. I can’t be mad for what you did, for how you treated me, for that night with that other girl, for the hurt, for what I did and for what you did. I try, I sit and I try so hard to be mad...to hate you...but I can’t. I gave “me” to you, I was yours for a year and my love was yours for a year. You were there, but as the boy who could always care, but never really love in return. I want to know...I need to know...why you could never answer that simple question. “Can you tell me that you don’t care about me and that we will never be together”...don’t you see that it would let me go. You always looked at me and said you can’t, and you don’t know what could happen in the future. It’s been a month, and I still don’t have “me” back, I never can until you let “me” go.
Remember that time...that summer day...that summer day in the morning when you asked me if you could keep me forever? I’m still here and I’ll still always love you. One day when you know the answer...the answer to that simple question, you know I’ll still be here and you’ll still have my heart to keep or to let go.
Well you...I’m leaving now. I’ll be back in less then a year. I just want you to know that...that I love you and I’ll miss you. And I’ll see you when it’s right.
See you in a bit luvs,
Rachel
Monday, September 13, 2010
Even If Your Voice Shakes via Austin TX
Here's the deal.
I don't feel like I owe you an apology, but perhaps an explanation. I met you at the bar last night and then ran into you at Hippie Hollow today. We said hi and I kept on walking. You followed me and told me that you were a catch as well as a few other things.
There are things that you need to know. First, I am anti-social. I deal with people all day long, and I am very particular about who I deal with in my free time. It's just part of who I am. I'm sure that you are a catch, and I hope that you find someone that sees that. You are a very attractive man, and I've got a lot of respect for you for saying what you needed to say to me. There is a quote, my favorite actually, by Maggie Kuhn (if you're not familiar with her, google her, she was an amazing person) that says, "stand before the people you fear and speak your mind -- even if your voice shakes." This quote has always resonated with me. It couldn't have been easy to tell me what you did, but you did it, and I was grateful to be part of and perhaps the catalyst of that strictly because you faced a situation that could not have been easy (though, not the hardest thing you've ever done I'm sure) and said what you needed to say. Mad props yo.
I've got no doubt that I came across as a dick. I'm ok with this. I was looking for my friend who had my cigarettes, I hadn't drank enough to want to be social just yet, I'm over the gay scene but went out there because my bestie wanted to, I had just gotten there and was getting the lay of the land, and I had just run into you the night before and warded off an advance then. I consider myself to be of sound mind and an excellent judge of character. I will until I've been proven wrong. Until then, I will stick with my gut. While there is no reason to run screaming into the night, what my gut told me was that we wouldn't mesh. I'm ok with this, and that's why I didn't pursue any further conversation and went about my way.
I don't want to come off "preachy" or better than or like I know anything at all, so I will try to choose my words carefully moving forward. You have a lot going for you. There are going to be times where your interest in someone else is not reciprocated even if it seems like they have no sound reason to have judged whether they have an interest in you or not. It sucks, but part of being an independent, strong, well-adjusted person is being able to move forward without letting it chip away at your self-esteem. The only thing that puts value on your life is you. You mean to the world exactly what you mean to yourself. Keep your chin up, and try and try and try everything until you find the solution that fits your world. Don't give up, don't stop putting yourself out there, don't become anti-social like me.
Don't stop being you, just stay grounded in who and what you are and eventually you will get everything that you want at your core (sometimes whether you are willing to admit what you want or not). Don't lose yourself because a complete stranger didn't take interest in you. Fuck anyone that stands in the way of what you want. Always follow your heart. Shoot for the stars. And most importantly...stand before the people you fear and speak your mind -- even if your voice shakes.
I wish you the best in your endeavors, I hope you continue to put yourself out there and one day will find the person you are looking for...I'm sorry I'm not him, but I'm not.
I don't feel like I owe you an apology, but perhaps an explanation. I met you at the bar last night and then ran into you at Hippie Hollow today. We said hi and I kept on walking. You followed me and told me that you were a catch as well as a few other things.
There are things that you need to know. First, I am anti-social. I deal with people all day long, and I am very particular about who I deal with in my free time. It's just part of who I am. I'm sure that you are a catch, and I hope that you find someone that sees that. You are a very attractive man, and I've got a lot of respect for you for saying what you needed to say to me. There is a quote, my favorite actually, by Maggie Kuhn (if you're not familiar with her, google her, she was an amazing person) that says, "stand before the people you fear and speak your mind -- even if your voice shakes." This quote has always resonated with me. It couldn't have been easy to tell me what you did, but you did it, and I was grateful to be part of and perhaps the catalyst of that strictly because you faced a situation that could not have been easy (though, not the hardest thing you've ever done I'm sure) and said what you needed to say. Mad props yo.
I've got no doubt that I came across as a dick. I'm ok with this. I was looking for my friend who had my cigarettes, I hadn't drank enough to want to be social just yet, I'm over the gay scene but went out there because my bestie wanted to, I had just gotten there and was getting the lay of the land, and I had just run into you the night before and warded off an advance then. I consider myself to be of sound mind and an excellent judge of character. I will until I've been proven wrong. Until then, I will stick with my gut. While there is no reason to run screaming into the night, what my gut told me was that we wouldn't mesh. I'm ok with this, and that's why I didn't pursue any further conversation and went about my way.
I don't want to come off "preachy" or better than or like I know anything at all, so I will try to choose my words carefully moving forward. You have a lot going for you. There are going to be times where your interest in someone else is not reciprocated even if it seems like they have no sound reason to have judged whether they have an interest in you or not. It sucks, but part of being an independent, strong, well-adjusted person is being able to move forward without letting it chip away at your self-esteem. The only thing that puts value on your life is you. You mean to the world exactly what you mean to yourself. Keep your chin up, and try and try and try everything until you find the solution that fits your world. Don't give up, don't stop putting yourself out there, don't become anti-social like me.
Don't stop being you, just stay grounded in who and what you are and eventually you will get everything that you want at your core (sometimes whether you are willing to admit what you want or not). Don't lose yourself because a complete stranger didn't take interest in you. Fuck anyone that stands in the way of what you want. Always follow your heart. Shoot for the stars. And most importantly...stand before the people you fear and speak your mind -- even if your voice shakes.
I wish you the best in your endeavors, I hope you continue to put yourself out there and one day will find the person you are looking for...I'm sorry I'm not him, but I'm not.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Fruit Of Love (Melanie & Ryan)
Melanie,
I'm in the university center at school. I ate chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, corn, and a brownie to top it all off. There's this guy playing piano and he's really good. I can actually write. Well let me begin by apologizing for not being the most awesome boyfriend in the world; but I am trying to be the best boyfriend I can. I also want to apologize that my timing with your movie watching is not very good. But i did send some fruit leather to make up for it, and I hope you will send me another.
Second of all, I want to let you know that you're the prettiest girl in the world. And I want you to know that (see enclosed drawing of you).
This is your ... awesome porkeepine hair, big lips i love to kiss, awesome ring, the most beautiful legs, beautiful hazel eyes, and beautiful dress. And although you can't see it, you have the most beautiful heart. (enclosed picture of heart) Yes, that is a fence around your heart, with a tank and gun inside; but that's also me inside! :)
I love you so very much Melanie
Forever
Always love,
Ryan
PS. I hope you like the letter and fruit leather <3
I'm in the university center at school. I ate chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, corn, and a brownie to top it all off. There's this guy playing piano and he's really good. I can actually write. Well let me begin by apologizing for not being the most awesome boyfriend in the world; but I am trying to be the best boyfriend I can. I also want to apologize that my timing with your movie watching is not very good. But i did send some fruit leather to make up for it, and I hope you will send me another.
Second of all, I want to let you know that you're the prettiest girl in the world. And I want you to know that (see enclosed drawing of you).
This is your ... awesome porkeepine hair, big lips i love to kiss, awesome ring, the most beautiful legs, beautiful hazel eyes, and beautiful dress. And although you can't see it, you have the most beautiful heart. (enclosed picture of heart) Yes, that is a fence around your heart, with a tank and gun inside; but that's also me inside! :)
I love you so very much Melanie
Forever
Always love,
Ryan
PS. I hope you like the letter and fruit leather <3
Point A.. Point B (Christine & Andrew)
So I'm writing on unlined paper cause I just got back from lunch, a double patty with double swiss bacon burger. I then watched a youtube video called " Spill Canvas-Teleport A&B.
What it talks about is how you (point A) and I (point B) could magically converge and make one super big point; so we can be happier together. The video always has a sign saying, "wish you were here". It makes me sad everytime i see that part, and I get the feeling if you saw it, you'd feel it too.
I think and think, but when it seems like there is no bright light in such thought, there is when it's of you. You see Christine, every day I walk by your house when you're out of town, everyday we walk to the market together, we're taking a step forward to that "super point"
Sure this process is gonna be slow, but in the end it will be better for both of us. I always wish you were here and that I were there. I love you.. but I guess pain is the escort of love at a grand suaree. I don't know, but I am not about to give up just because pain of our distance accompanies me everywhere.
Lately, we've been arguing alot, but I think it's the distance more than anything that is killing us and you! Our woes become real as i see them in writing, but sometime's i really do question if "we" are worth it. You bitch at me, and sometimes you make fun of me; and i really hate it when you choose the other side that's not mine! Like a furious firefly, I fluttter! and I flutter! but then i land on a cloud when I look at my ring and our pictures. The pictures of us remind me of all the fun times we had and because of them, i know this is all worth it. Every day I look forward til the next point I get to see you, ultimately ending in that elongated kiss that follows the words, "i do".
Christine, I will always be right here by your side! Don't doubt me, as I'm sure you're doing right now; because that's where all our problems begin. I can't wait to see you on wednesday, i have so many surprises for you. Maybe, i'll even get to buy you a burger on my way down. Then Thursday our families can eat together. Friday too. Saturday, we'll go spend the night together.. and then it's only TWO weeks til break; and we can spend every day and night together. It's gonna be so awesome!!!
I hope this letter gives you hope that we're going to make it. Just so you know, I haven't been thinking about what i write. This is 100% true feeling; but of course it's only going to work if we both give 100% each. I need you to be on board because this is right; and what i know is right.
Send me your thoughts at least one week from when you get this. I can't wait to see
you.
Andrew
What it talks about is how you (point A) and I (point B) could magically converge and make one super big point; so we can be happier together. The video always has a sign saying, "wish you were here". It makes me sad everytime i see that part, and I get the feeling if you saw it, you'd feel it too.
I think and think, but when it seems like there is no bright light in such thought, there is when it's of you. You see Christine, every day I walk by your house when you're out of town, everyday we walk to the market together, we're taking a step forward to that "super point"
Sure this process is gonna be slow, but in the end it will be better for both of us. I always wish you were here and that I were there. I love you.. but I guess pain is the escort of love at a grand suaree. I don't know, but I am not about to give up just because pain of our distance accompanies me everywhere.
Lately, we've been arguing alot, but I think it's the distance more than anything that is killing us and you! Our woes become real as i see them in writing, but sometime's i really do question if "we" are worth it. You bitch at me, and sometimes you make fun of me; and i really hate it when you choose the other side that's not mine! Like a furious firefly, I fluttter! and I flutter! but then i land on a cloud when I look at my ring and our pictures. The pictures of us remind me of all the fun times we had and because of them, i know this is all worth it. Every day I look forward til the next point I get to see you, ultimately ending in that elongated kiss that follows the words, "i do".
Christine, I will always be right here by your side! Don't doubt me, as I'm sure you're doing right now; because that's where all our problems begin. I can't wait to see you on wednesday, i have so many surprises for you. Maybe, i'll even get to buy you a burger on my way down. Then Thursday our families can eat together. Friday too. Saturday, we'll go spend the night together.. and then it's only TWO weeks til break; and we can spend every day and night together. It's gonna be so awesome!!!
I hope this letter gives you hope that we're going to make it. Just so you know, I haven't been thinking about what i write. This is 100% true feeling; but of course it's only going to work if we both give 100% each. I need you to be on board because this is right; and what i know is right.
Send me your thoughts at least one week from when you get this. I can't wait to see
you.
Andrew
Imagine Me And You..I do...As Boxes (Bethany And Seth)
Bethany,
Since I am in class right now and don't know what to write you, I will draw you something. Hopefully at lunch I will have some piano music or food for inspiration. (picture of boxes holding hands inserted here), This would be us if we were boxes. So.. I just got out of lab and actually just texted you. Sorry for the change of pens but my other one just exploded. I've been listening to The Cure alot lately, and I've been thinking..
We should really just move far away where no one can find us and we can be happy. Although you don't really know this about me, I like mountains!! Ooo we could move to Switzerland, or Pakistan, maybe Chile or Mexico. I really really miss you. I hope these four years go by quick cause it's really really hard not being able to see you everyday. Bethany, you need to get a webcam!! Hey, "Just Like Heaven" came on.. "
Like the song says, I'll run away with you..
Well write back.. Please
Always and forever,
Seth
Since I am in class right now and don't know what to write you, I will draw you something. Hopefully at lunch I will have some piano music or food for inspiration. (picture of boxes holding hands inserted here), This would be us if we were boxes. So.. I just got out of lab and actually just texted you. Sorry for the change of pens but my other one just exploded. I've been listening to The Cure alot lately, and I've been thinking..
We should really just move far away where no one can find us and we can be happy. Although you don't really know this about me, I like mountains!! Ooo we could move to Switzerland, or Pakistan, maybe Chile or Mexico. I really really miss you. I hope these four years go by quick cause it's really really hard not being able to see you everyday. Bethany, you need to get a webcam!! Hey, "Just Like Heaven" came on.. "
Like the song says, I'll run away with you..
Well write back.. Please
Always and forever,
Seth
"One Day" too late.. (Leslie And Johnny)
Leslie,
I'd like to take this time to write you the letter I promised. Not because i promised, but ratehr because my emotions are so strong right now and I feel you should know. It seems like everyday we talk less and less. Either because I'm busy, or because you're studying for an exam. It makes me really sad, but I know in the long run it will all be worth it. Not only will we have an education, but we'll have a nice foundation for our lives. Lovewise, we will have already been tested, Financially stable, we will already have professional jobs. Spiritually, we will both be that much wiser. I think all of these qualities will be great for us and our children. It always seems like we always say
"one day", but "one day" will happen. "One day, she'll be mine", "One day we'll be done with college", "One day, I'll move out of my parents house".. These are just stepping stones to be together and deliriously happy! Maybe..just maybe.. "one day", we'll have kids.
Leslie, all these " One days" really make me, (and i bet you too), feel like i'm going nowhere. But it's nice to remind myself there's always a "one day" everytime i think this.
I want you to be assured that I want to
go on this "one day" trip with you. Please don't lose motivation, cause I'm not. But if ever you do, just read this letter.
Right now you're sleeping.. You had a long day with your Geology Exam, and I had a long day with my three Philosophy Essays. I really wish you would wake up so we could talk; however, i think letter writing will be more effective. I will simply let you sleep, write you a letter instead, and get my feelings out.
Leslie, I love you more than you could ever fathom. Never doubt that our "one days" will come some sooner than you think.
Love always and forever,
-Johnny
I'd like to take this time to write you the letter I promised. Not because i promised, but ratehr because my emotions are so strong right now and I feel you should know. It seems like everyday we talk less and less. Either because I'm busy, or because you're studying for an exam. It makes me really sad, but I know in the long run it will all be worth it. Not only will we have an education, but we'll have a nice foundation for our lives. Lovewise, we will have already been tested, Financially stable, we will already have professional jobs. Spiritually, we will both be that much wiser. I think all of these qualities will be great for us and our children. It always seems like we always say
"one day", but "one day" will happen. "One day, she'll be mine", "One day we'll be done with college", "One day, I'll move out of my parents house".. These are just stepping stones to be together and deliriously happy! Maybe..just maybe.. "one day", we'll have kids.
Leslie, all these " One days" really make me, (and i bet you too), feel like i'm going nowhere. But it's nice to remind myself there's always a "one day" everytime i think this.
I want you to be assured that I want to
go on this "one day" trip with you. Please don't lose motivation, cause I'm not. But if ever you do, just read this letter.
Right now you're sleeping.. You had a long day with your Geology Exam, and I had a long day with my three Philosophy Essays. I really wish you would wake up so we could talk; however, i think letter writing will be more effective. I will simply let you sleep, write you a letter instead, and get my feelings out.
Leslie, I love you more than you could ever fathom. Never doubt that our "one days" will come some sooner than you think.
Love always and forever,
-Johnny
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