Even If Your Voice Shakes via Austin TX

Here's the deal.

I don't feel like I owe you an apology, but perhaps an explanation. I met you at the bar last night and then ran into you at Hippie Hollow today. We said hi and I kept on walking. You followed me and told me that you were a catch as well as a few other things.

There are things that you need to know. First, I am anti-social. I deal with people all day long, and I am very particular about who I deal with in my free time. It's just part of who I am. I'm sure that you are a catch, and I hope that you find someone that sees that. You are a very attractive man, and I've got a lot of respect for you for saying what you needed to say to me. There is a quote, my favorite actually, by Maggie Kuhn (if you're not familiar with her, google her, she was an amazing person) that says, "stand before the people you fear and speak your mind -- even if your voice shakes." This quote has always resonated with me. It couldn't have been easy to tell me what you did, but you did it, and I was grateful to be part of and perhaps the catalyst of that strictly because you faced a situation that could not have been easy (though, not the hardest thing you've ever done I'm sure) and said what you needed to say. Mad props yo.

I've got no doubt that I came across as a dick. I'm ok with this. I was looking for my friend who had my cigarettes, I hadn't drank enough to want to be social just yet, I'm over the gay scene but went out there because my bestie wanted to, I had just gotten there and was getting the lay of the land, and I had just run into you the night before and warded off an advance then. I consider myself to be of sound mind and an excellent judge of character. I will until I've been proven wrong. Until then, I will stick with my gut. While there is no reason to run screaming into the night, what my gut told me was that we wouldn't mesh. I'm ok with this, and that's why I didn't pursue any further conversation and went about my way.

I don't want to come off "preachy" or better than or like I know anything at all, so I will try to choose my words carefully moving forward. You have a lot going for you. There are going to be times where your interest in someone else is not reciprocated even if it seems like they have no sound reason to have judged whether they have an interest in you or not. It sucks, but part of being an independent, strong, well-adjusted person is being able to move forward without letting it chip away at your self-esteem. The only thing that puts value on your life is you. You mean to the world exactly what you mean to yourself. Keep your chin up, and try and try and try everything until you find the solution that fits your world. Don't give up, don't stop putting yourself out there, don't become anti-social like me.

Don't stop being you, just stay grounded in who and what you are and eventually you will get everything that you want at your core (sometimes whether you are willing to admit what you want or not). Don't lose yourself because a complete stranger didn't take interest in you. Fuck anyone that stands in the way of what you want. Always follow your heart. Shoot for the stars. And most importantly...stand before the people you fear and speak your mind -- even if your voice shakes.

I wish you the best in your endeavors, I hope you continue to put yourself out there and one day will find the person you are looking for...I'm sorry I'm not him, but I'm not.